5 Myths associated with Domestic Violence

Since October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month, I thought I 'd mention 5 common myths associated with domestic violence.

Myth #1: You weren't hit or physically battered; therefore you weren't abused!

You don't need to hit someone to be abusive. Verbal and emotional abuse can be just as much damaging, if not more so. Verbal abuse, according to author and internationally renowned verbal abuse expert Patricia Evans, is defined as:  

• withholding, bullying, defaming, defining, trivializing, harassing, interrogating, accusing, blaming, blocking, countering, diverting, lying, berating, taunting, putting down, edifying, discounting, threatening, name-calling, yelling and raging.

Emotional and Verbal abuse is REAL abuse. Further, Evans claims that in many ways verbal and emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse, as it wears the victim down and breaks her spirit.

Myth #2: Victims suffer from very low self-esteem and/or are mentally ill

Not all victims suffer from low esteem; in fact, their self esteem may have been intact in the beginning but the abuser's tactic is to slowly chip away at a person's self esteem.

Myth #3: Abusers suffer from some type of mental illness, personality disorder, has anger management issues or other problems.

Domestic abuse is usually a "learned behavior". Sometimes a batterer may also suffer from another disorder, which certainly can make things more complex. However, domestic abuse is a separate issue and must be dealt with accordingly.

Myth #4:  Abusers abuse because they"lose control" and are helpless to curtail their violence. They just have no self-control.

Abusers are masters of control and manipulation. Abusers in fact, use "control" very well. For instance, a husband may be calm and collected at work, yet feel entitled to come and batter his spouse and/or children.

Myth #5: It can’t/will never happen to me!

Unfortunately, no woman is immune. Domestic violence affects 1 out of 4 women. Domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels.

Domestic Abuse is all about Power and Control

Resources, If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, please contact any of the following:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
website http://www.thehotline.org/
phone#   1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

YWCA Support Network For Battered Women 
phone# 1-800-572-2782 
website http://supportnetwork.org/

Some tips on escaping an abusive relationship http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/09/28/5-ways-to-escape-an-abusive-relationship/

This post was inspired by Jamie Patterson's book Lost Edens. I received a complimentary copy as a member From Left To Write book club. Opinions expressed are my own.

American girl dolls Halloween

My 11 year old (yes, she still plays with her dolls, thank God!) quickly put these costumes together for her American Girl dolls , and she then took this picture on my iPhone.

Thankfully, she did not inherit her mother's deficiencies when it comes to crafts or sewing.

Happy Halloween!

Petting Zoo

Recently I've been helping out my friend who owns a petting zoo. I've grown quite attached to the animals, especially the goats.

Charlie, the lovable & mischievous clown

Goats possess the most lovable and mischievous personalities.

Annabelle, the mellow & affectionate one.

It is such a joy to witness the gleeful expressions on the children's faces.

Moonie, all prettied up. Kids love putting braids & hairclips in her mane.

And big kids too. I got a kick out of seeing one father break out in a giant grin when the goats trotted up to him, begging to be petted.

Getting Unstuck

If you are the artistic type, what do you do when you find yourself in a rut? I’m talking a really big rut.

Recently, I found myself stuck. Life threw some pretty heavy stuff at me and where I once possessed boundless energy and stamina writing in notebooks and banging away on my laptop for days on end, suddenly I couldn’t even bring myself to look at my laptop. It sat on my desk untouched for months, buried beneath junk mail.

Sure, some people can solider on. Just force yourself. Will yourself to write through your pain.

How I wish I were one of those people.

In my virtual book club, From Left to Write, I was drawn to this month’s novel, Carry Yourself Back to Me because the protagonist, Annie, finds her creative energy zapped. A successful singer-songwriter, she finds herself abruptly unable to sing or create music after her longtime boyfriend leaves her for another woman. Compounding to her heartbreak, one day her brother is thrown in jail for murder.

I won't give away if or how Annie gets her groove back (or any other details of the plot). But I will share something that helped give my artistic side a nudge.

Animals, especially horses.

My friend has a bunch of them. Horses bring a smile to my face and riding again (I grew up around horses) has energized and inspired me.

(Not to mention, horseback riding is excellent for your core.)

I love the whinny that reverberates throughout the air when Diesel, one of my friend’s horses, greets us. Or the way he bangs his head up alongside me, (apparently he always does this after a ride).  I could sit on a horse for hours doing nothing other than gazing out into the amber hills of New Almaden, drinking in the musky smell from the mixture of leather and alfalfa.

Oh,  I just love the smell of horses.

Riding clears my mind, enlivens my senses.  I feel more alive. Free.

And suddenly I want to write.

What helps you break out of a rut?

Deborah Reed's debut novel Carry Yourself Back to Me follows heartbroken singer-songwriter Annie Walsh as she digs into the past to exonerate her brother from murder. As a member of From Left to Write book club, I received a copy of this book for review. You can read other members posts inspired by Carry YourselfBack to Me on book club day, October 4 at From Left to Write.